CHUCK NORRIS FACTS
Here are 50 of our favorite Chuck Norris facts:
(Most people call them Chuck Norris jokes, but they're not jokes! Saying there jokes is like smoking, you never know when your decision is going to come back and kill you.)1.
Here are 50 of our favorite Chuck Norris facts:
(Most people call them Chuck Norris jokes, but they're not jokes! Saying there jokes is like smoking, you never know when your decision is going to come back and kill you.)1.
1. Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
2. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
3. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
4. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
5. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
6. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
7. Unlike Everyone else who has "Beware of Dog" signs in their yards, Chuck Norris' dog has a "Beware of Chuck Norris" sign
in front of his dog house.
8. Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter, he's already following you.
9. Chuck Norris hates Chuck Norris Facts, he thinks this site underestimates him.
10. Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
11. Chuck Norris once threw a grenade, it killed 50 people. THEN it blew up.
12. Chuck Norris once decided to test the Cats have 9 lives theory, in conclusion one roundhouse kick has enough power to take 10 lives, at once.
13. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
14. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
15. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
16. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe... He holds air hostage.
17. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
18. Chuck Norris has a stunt double. For crying scenes.
19. Once a cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
20. Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
21. Chuck Norris once spat in a semi truck's gas tank.... that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
22. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
23. Chuck Norris flew his first paper airplane when he was 4 years old. It landed yesterday.
24. Chuck Norris does not go hunting, "hunting" implies the possibility of failure. He is playing hide-and-go-kill with the animals.
25. Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris.
26. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
27. Earth started orbiting the sun when Chuck Norris first learned how to play kickball.
28. Deaf People can hear Chuck Norris talk
29. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
30. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
31. Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company. The company field tested it but it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.
32. When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.
33. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
34. Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
35. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and wheels.
36. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.
37. Chuck Norris is suing NBC for their show Law & Order claiming it is the trademarked names of his left and right fists.
38. When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
39. Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
40. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.
41. A handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
42. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
43. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard.” Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise men, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after, all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
44. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
45. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
46. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
47. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
48. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
49. The original name of the movie was Alien vs Predator vs Chuck Norris, but the producers realized that nobody would ever watch a movie that only lasted fourteen seconds.
50. There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
2. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
3. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
4. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
5. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
6. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
7. Unlike Everyone else who has "Beware of Dog" signs in their yards, Chuck Norris' dog has a "Beware of Chuck Norris" sign
in front of his dog house.
8. Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter, he's already following you.
9. Chuck Norris hates Chuck Norris Facts, he thinks this site underestimates him.
10. Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
11. Chuck Norris once threw a grenade, it killed 50 people. THEN it blew up.
12. Chuck Norris once decided to test the Cats have 9 lives theory, in conclusion one roundhouse kick has enough power to take 10 lives, at once.
13. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
14. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
15. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
16. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe... He holds air hostage.
17. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
18. Chuck Norris has a stunt double. For crying scenes.
19. Once a cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
20. Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
21. Chuck Norris once spat in a semi truck's gas tank.... that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
22. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
23. Chuck Norris flew his first paper airplane when he was 4 years old. It landed yesterday.
24. Chuck Norris does not go hunting, "hunting" implies the possibility of failure. He is playing hide-and-go-kill with the animals.
25. Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris.
26. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
27. Earth started orbiting the sun when Chuck Norris first learned how to play kickball.
28. Deaf People can hear Chuck Norris talk
29. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
30. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
31. Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company. The company field tested it but it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.
32. When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.
33. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
34. Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
35. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and wheels.
36. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.
37. Chuck Norris is suing NBC for their show Law & Order claiming it is the trademarked names of his left and right fists.
38. When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
39. Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
40. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.
41. A handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
42. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
43. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard.” Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise men, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after, all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
44. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
45. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
46. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
47. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
48. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
49. The original name of the movie was Alien vs Predator vs Chuck Norris, but the producers realized that nobody would ever watch a movie that only lasted fourteen seconds.
50. There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.